Episode 32: Why Health Goals Fail, with Dr. Amy Behimer, PharmD
For people living with ME, CFS, and other complex chronic illnesses, repeatedly failing to achieve your health goals can feel discouraging, especially when fatigue, post-exertional malaise, pain, or unpredictable symptoms get in the way.
In this conversation, Dr. Eleanor Stein speaks with pharmacist and coach Amy Behimer about why goals fail and how to make them realistic, compassionate, and achievable. Amy explains why willpower is not enough, why tiny steps matter, and why goals must be personally meaningful, not just something a doctor, family member, or society says you “should” do.
The episode offers practical hope for turning pacing, mindset, and daily habits into sustainable healing supports.
Key Takeaways
- Most goals fail because they are never clearly set. Wanting more energy is not the same as creating a specific, doable goal.
- Forgetting the goal is normal—not a character flaw. Amy explains that systems, reminders, and accountability can help keep goals visible.
- A goal may fail because it is too big or outside your control. For someone with severe fatigue, the first goal may not be “get back to normal,” but a tiny action that supports stability.
- “Trust in the tiny” is especially important in chronic illness. Tiny goals may feel too small, but they can build consistency, confidence, and momentum.
- The goal has to be something you actually want. Goals based on “shoulds” often fail because they come from pressure rather than personal desire.
- Goals need to feel good along the way. Amy challenges the idea that people should white-knuckle their way toward health.
- Pacing is not just a strategy—it may need to become a goal. For ME/CFS, pacing can be emotionally difficult because it asks people to do less when they desperately want to do more.
- What is “failure gold”? Tune in to find out.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Amy Behimer & her autoimmune health journey.
07:30 The upholder personality
10:00 What gets in the way
12:10 The first reason goals fail: the goal was never truly set.
15:11 The second reason goals fail: we forget our goals.
17:41 The third reason goals fail: they're too big or outside your control.
22:09 The fourth reason goals fail: it isn't something you want
27:40 The fifth reason goals fail: it doesn't feel good
33:00 The sixth reason goals fail: nowhere to troubleshoot
37:10 Applying this process to pacing and post-exertional malaise
45:00 Belief seeds and conclusion
Connect with Amy
IG: @amybehimercoaching
Website: https://amybehimercoaching.com/
Podcast: Autoimmune Health Secrets
About Dr. Stein
I’m Dr. Eleanor Stein, a retired medical doctor and psychiatrist with 37 years of lived experience with multiple complex chronic conditions and 25+ years of clinical experience working with people with ME/CFS, fibromyalgia, long COVID and more. Since retiring from clinical practice in 2022, I continue to learn and share accessible, evidence-informed strategies to help you improve function and quality of life.
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